What has happened in the past 2 1/2 months? So much, and yet so little. I'm sorry I've neglected this little guy...that's pretty poor form as a blogger.
Well, here I am again, with a June-relevant topic to discuss - summer professional wear. Can we ever win? The answer is no. Also, chances are good you'll probably spend at least a portion of the day publicly, uncontrollably sweating.*
I recently acquired a summer job in an office where I have my own little fake walls in neutral tones with access to things like Wite-Out (a true sign of an official desk job - and by the by, the product has gotten fancier). I quickly realized that it is not appropriate to cycle various "dressy" tees with the same pair of completely worn out navy cords that are literally on their last thread. Seriously. If I bend over, censor bars are necessary.
So a shopping trip was in order. It ended at Land's End for many reasons, including the fact that "fun summer capris" at any given location don't fit over my calves. My calves did NOT make the cut in this spring's fashion trends. They're sad about it. Also, Land's End had some sales. I haven't been there since my mom made me purchase a monogrammed backpack for first grade after my kindergarten, fun-time, pink plastic backpack wasn't "durable enough." I also spent much of my elementary days wearing long stretchy skirts and turtlenecks from the L'sE. Rough times. I wasn't expecting much this time around, either.
But hey now! I scored some cute dresses that, at the time, I deemed work-appropriate. Mostly becuase it was L'sE. Mostly because they don't really have a permit to sell shnazzy going-out dresses. So I purchased three neutral-toned dresses to pair with coordinating cardigans. It all felt so right - I was practically scheduling meetings through Outlook Express and heating up Lean Cuisines in the dressing room.
It has only gone downhill from there. Dress 1, Day 1: The Boy and I went out for breakfast and he informed me he could see my boob. Congrats to him, but I had to hop in my car and face my male bosses. It's not my fault there's a boobage sitch when wrapping is involved! How did I know a slightly different bra would make such a sexy difference?!
Dress 2, Day 2: This stretchy little number accentuated my waist panty lines. How sensual. My hips looked like they were vibrating when I walked. How do I know? After briefly noticing this may be a problem, I practiced walking in the bathroom mirror. Ignorance is bliss.
And now, Dress 3, Day 3: Another amusing morning for The Boy, when we first discovered that I couldn't bend over or sit in it. Then, I realized all of my cardigans have a differnet neckline than said dress (easy to overlook, but apparently a big deal) so now I'm rocking sleeveless?! That's how you know things really went south. Thank God for the belt. That's the only thing holding it all together. ...Literally.
So what am I wearing tomorrow? The cords. Turns out that's the least obscene of all and I really shouldn't deviate from what I know. I'd say that if I didn't have to "shop on a budget" or "had more time" I would be able to do the whole summeryadorablesmellinglikefresianaturally thing, but we all know these are just excuses. Too bad Wite-Out doesn't work on fashion.
*Don't act like it doesn't happen to you all the time. I see your upper lip, and I raise you a hairline.